Family lifestyle photography through a holistic lens -
5 Steps to embody authenticity in your home.
When writing a blog that focuses on holistic living, I think that it is important to talk about the holistic health of one’s family in addition to their own mind, body, and spirit.
WHEN I SAID MY WEDDING VOWS I DIDN’T COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND MARRAIGE - WHAT I HAVE SINCE LEARNED
My evidence for how to care for my own immediate family, although I think solid, isn’t backed up by a ton of experience…
My husband, Nic, and I were married in the summer of 2021 and we had our first daughter this January. I now realize that when I first said “I do,” I didn’t completely understand the institution of marriage - I only knew what I had seen modeled by my parents.
KNOWLEDGE, UNDERSTANDING, AND EMBODIMENT: RELATIONSHIP WISDOM
As I continue on my own self-development, I have been working with this idea of the differences between knowing something, understanding something, and embodying something.
For me, during the first third of my life (check out my first post to read more about this) I thought I knew a lot of things.
I thought I knew what a strong family dynamic looked like from my own upbringing, but before trying to create a family on my own, I didn’t fully understand the work that went into it.
I grew up in a healthy and happy home. Nic also grew up in a healthy and happy home. However, even though Nic and I had similar family values, I learned that blending my life with another human doesn’t come without struggle.
Nic and I were married during the pandemic like many of our peers. Engagement and marriage during the pandemic were equivalent to being in a pressure cooker - intense as shit.
After we added building a house and a pregnancy to the equation, there were times I wondered if our relationship would ever return to the state of ease we had when we first fell in love. It was during that time that I truly began to understand the work it took to build a strong marriage, establish a home, and begin to define my own family.
During my pregnancy, I worked to confront my own demons and heal so I could be the best I could be for my baby. I decided that all the healing I did wouldn’t be complete if Nic and I didn’t also heal the problems in our relationship (and end the same fight about our feelings around the kitchen that we had been having for the past 6 years…we all know fights about the kitchen are rooted in deeper issues).
There were times when I thought that once we were married, our conflicts would end and we would always agree and align. This wasn’t the case. When we truly began to merge our lives, we had a lot of miscommunication.
After having some hard conversations and seeking outside support, we found that our miscommunication was coming from a place of feeling unheard when speaking our own truth.
AUTHENTICITY IN THE MAGLIO FAMILY: OUR FAMILY AESTHETIC
I now understand that for us, a strong family dynamic isn’t one where we always agree or evade conflict. It is a partnership where we both show up authentically for ourselves, for each other, and now for our daughter, Ayla. I think that is what it takes to make a family whole.
When we are able to be our truest most authentic versions of ourselves (even if those selves have differences) the ease that we have when we first fell in love returns.
RELATIONSHIP GOALS: BEING AUTHENTIC MOSTLY MAKES RELATIONSHIPS STRONGER
I watch my peers (some of which I see regularly and some I only see on reality tv shows) flounder as they attempt to find a partner or feel peace within their relationships. I think the issue is never that either individual is wrong or bad (Micah and Paul from Love is Blind Season 4, I think you are both great people) but that there is failed communication and a lack of authenticity.
This makes me sad.
One thing my mom taught me that has helped me stay grounded in my own authenticity is to always make your desires clear to your partner. This was scary sometimes - like when I told Nic if he wasn’t going to marry me I was uninterested in continuing the relationship (spoiler alert: that wasn’t an issue for us).
I watch my peers fear to speak their truth and step into their own authentic voice even in their most intimate relationships. I have struggled with this, too, but I have found it to be the most freeing when I stand strong in who I am and what I want out of life. I have also found that more often than not, this makes my relationship stronger.
I believe that by embodying authenticity we will model for our children what it looks like to show up as your true self in life and in your home with your family (where it matters most).
I want the same thing for my peers.
Anyone who knows me knows I love to teach. It works well for me in the high school classroom, but not always at family gatherings or weekend get-togethers with my friends. But if you’re reading this, here are some of the lessons I have learned that have helped me stay true to myself and have helped Nic and me create an authentic relationship that is the groundwork for a happy and healthy family.
THE BEST ADVICE I HAVE: 5 GUIDELINES I FOLLOW TO REACH MY FAMILY GOALS
SPEND TIME ASKING YOURSELF WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED
Literally, I ask myself questions - mostly in my head, but also sometimes aloud. Almost daily I ask: “Allie what do you need right now?” I find that asking these questions has led me to uncover my truest desires.
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF
Authenticity within your relationships and your family will only exist if you are true and honest with yourself. There were times when I knew what I needed or wanted from a situation, but I lied to myself because I feared rejection and failure. For me, this dishonesty with myself was much more painful than any failure or rejection I faced.
BE HONEST WITH YOUR PARTNER
Sometimes this comes easy to me and other times it doesn’t. No matter how many times I have been taught that people aren’t mind readers, there are times I still sit wishing Nic would magically say or do the things I want or need at any given moment. There is no reality where that happens for anyone - no matter how much another person understands you. I have learned to be honest with him and ask for what I want or need and 99% of the time he delivers.
There is no shame in being honest with your partner about your desires. An authentic, happy relationship is an honest relationship.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO SEEK OUTSIDE HELP - from those who model a strong marriage or professionals
My dad was fired from his first job for asking too many questions. His curiosity was instilled in me, for better or worse. When I am hit with an obstacle in life that I can’t find the answer to within myself, I ask questions and seek help from others.
Looking to my parents and Nic’s parents for guidance at the beginning of our marriage was crucial and if I had feared asking for help because I felt shame around our marital struggles, things would have proved much more difficult.
Through conversations with my peers, I have learned that it is not uncommon for people to be too ashamed to ask for help - especially around their most intimate relationships.
I don’t think any of us should feel shame for facing the same struggles as everyone else. If you are struggling to find alignment within your marriage or your family, I am letting you know it is okay to ask for help.
DON’T FALL VICTIM TO COMPARISONS OR THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS
Your family is a work of art. You get to choose how to show up and what an authentic life looks like for you.
Since many people spend a lot of life connecting through social media, it is easy to compare ourselves to others. This can lead to worry about how we should do things within our own lives, or how others view us as we show up online.
However, we don’t truly know the internal world of other families and we cannot control how we are seen.
Comparing yourself to others will steal all your joy, and negativity around your family’s choices is just noise.
If you and your partner are living your truth and modeling that for your children, it doesn’t matter what others think or what others are doing.
When I embody these guidelines within my home, I feel truly confident in who we are.
I like to think of myself, Nic, and Ayla as the most important piece of art I will ever create and by applying these guidelines, I get to work on that project every single day.
I know if I am mindfully caring for this masterpiece, others will see the beauty I see, too.
I hope the same for you.
FAMILY LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY ON SOCIAL MEDIA: HOW WE SHOW UP ONLINE VS IN OUR FAMILIES
I feel like conversations around how people present themselves online always bring into question authenticity.
Is that couple really as happy as they appear to be in their pictures?
Does that family really have the money to travel the world?
What filter did they use to achieve such a healthy glow in their photos?
I care a lot about being honest and true, and in the past, I asked myself:
am I inauthentic if I only share the good times and not the struggle?
Since working on my health and my family through a holistic lens, I feel much different about the answer to this question. I used to think my authenticity would be marred if I didn’t show all parts of myself and my family online. After finding a true sense of peace within myself and my relationship I have decided it doesn’t matter.
Now I ask myself this:
how can I be honest and true when working through struggle within my family so I can share online the happiness that follows the work?
All people and families have conflicts and bad moments, but I have learned through experience that those aren’t the moments that define us.
For me, authenticity doesn’t have to mean sharing every single struggle on social media, but it also doesn’t mean pretending that struggle doesn’t exist.
My hope is that Ayla will know that life doesn’t exist without struggle, but that living authentically will always bring you joy and peace, and that the highlight reels on the internet are only one part of the story.
If you watch the news then you know how many conversations revolve around the messages people, specifically children, are being sent about the world and reality as it is represented on social media. As a teacher and a new mom, this issue sometimes scares me. However, I would argue that if you show up authentically at home then our families and our children will know how to determine what is and isn’t authentic.
Additionally, if we provide our children the space to show up as themselves, to feel accepted through all of life’s highs and lows, but to ultimately choose to move forward and define each day by focusing on the good - then there is hope.
FAMILY PORTRAITS VS FAMILY LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY: PHOTOGRAPHY THAT SEES PEOPLE, AUTHENTICALLY
My friend Olivia, who took these incredible photos of my family, has talked about finding her niche as a lifestyle photographer.
When I first reached out to her I had inquired about taking newborn photos of Ayla.
Her process for her clients is incredibly collaborative and I was so excited for our shoot after sharing my vision with her.
I told her about my desire to authentically represent myself and my family. I wanted the images to feel intimate - a true representation of us inside our home.
She was sensitive to the fact that there was a 6-week-old baby involved and made sure I knew she would work around Ayla’s needs.
However, after getting to know each other’s approaches to art, we decided photos that captured all of Ayla’s emotions were the only way to represent my family in my desired authentic way.
Unlike family portraits, family lifestyle photography captures the more authentic side of family life through images that represent life’s unfiltered, raw moments. I will cherish these photos forever and I think Olivia has truly found her niche in her ability to see and understand people and families, and then capture them perfectly through her art. If you are looking for wedding photography, branding photography, couples photography, or family life style photography in the mid west check out her work Liv Strange Photography.
DO YOU WANT THIS, TOO? MY HOPE FOR YOU
As a new mom, there will be many times when staying true to the guidelines I have shared prove to be hard. However, when Ayla joined our family I found a new sense of motivation and artistic drive.
Working on the masterpiece that is my family will take an incredible amount of difficult work, but I really feel that this chapter of my life with Nic and Ayla is the only piece of art I have created with this much ease. As I continue to truly lean into the daily work of making my family whole, the rest has continued to flow - authentically.
If you are one of my direct peers and are also embarking on new family life, or, preparing to start your own family, I hope you find some solace in knowing that the most beautiful and authentic families take much more work than just posing for family photos.
My hope is that you will commit to doing the work that my family is doing, too. I truly believe it is what will make the happiest of lives and futures for us all.
More soon
AJ
