Between Yoga and a Hard Place: Self-Identity and Lifestyle Blogging
(Why I decided against niching.)
“Human life is fragile: we live in the space between one breath and the next.”
“Genres are not closed boxes. Stuff flows back and forth across the borders all the time” - Margaret Atwood.
I AM MORE THAN JUST ONE GENRE: EMBRACE YOURSELF FULLY
In graduate school, I focused on writing literary criticism, but my true passion was writing poetry.
I started graduate school directly after college and was doing my best to be clear about who I was (as most adolescents and twenty-somethings are).
However, no matter how much I outwardly declared to the world this is who I am, I was still very unsure when I turned inward.
These feelings manifested in a poem I wrote on my phone titled “Between Yoga and a Hard Place.” I wrote it while sitting at a downtown hipster bar/record shop/bakery/movie theater (seriously, it is all the above), drinking a glass of wine and smoking a cigarette.
I cannot find this poem on my phone and don’t remember any of its lines, but I do remember the feeling it embodied when I wrote it:
Conflict and resistance when trying to fit into a particular role.
I was committed to my yoga practice when I wrote that poem, and sitting at that bar smoking my cigarette, I felt like a contradiction. Could I be both of these people? Society wants us to fit neatly into boxes; moving back and forth between them can feel unnerving.
Until recently, I was wrestling with these feelings of contradiction. I often asked myself:
Is there an in-between?
Could I exist between practicing yoga in the morning, drinking wine, and smoking a cigarette in the evening?
This poem merely became a metaphor as I grew in my career, married, and became pregnant, and the tension in trying to fit into one particular role worsened.
I know I am not alone in these feelings.
For some, the desire to meet certain expectations for the roles they assume is to fit in; for others, it is merely to survive.
Teaching during my pregnancy allowed me to let go in many ways, and what I finally found was that learning how to flow back and forth between my different roles in life came with more ease than putting myself into a singular box.
Both ancient and modern literature teaches us that the feeling of trying to fit into boxes so both you and those around you feel safe is an obstacle we all face.
Like all coming-of-age stories, I am learning to accept myself.
This blog is a part of that self-acceptance journey. But when putting together my ideas and getting started, I was taken back to the moment I wrote the poem “Between Yoga and a Hard Place.”
I started seeing a business coach and watching YouTube videos daily to learn how to become a successful blogger. A topic that my business coach and I discussed and one of the first parts of the blog planning course was creating a brand identity and finding one specific niche. Finding a *niche* felt like, once again, I had to try to fit myself into one box.
While working with the business coach, I decided that my blog would focus specifically on holistic living in terms of meditation and yoga. However, when I sat with myself in quiet meditation, I knew I wanted to blog about my entire life. I didn’t want to feel caught in that “hard place” any longer where now, suddenly, I am an intense health guru writing about how to stay fit through diet and yoga postures.
What would happen when I wanted to smoke a cigarette and have a glass of wine?
The resurfacing of these feelings of contradiction led me to decide I was not going to *niche*.
So, what is a holistic lifestyle blog?
It is a space where I can show up wholly as myself. And if you decide to follow me and read my musings on life, I hope it is a place where you can show up wholly as yourself, too.
To me, a holistic lifestyle is one in which we embrace all aspects of ourselves and the nuances of life. To niche would not be holistic.
My experiences with yogic philosophy have taught me that finding that space in between and living there is a dance we will forever work through if we hope to achieve balance.
Isn’t that what we are all trying to achieve? Balance?
The in-between?
There will always be different parts of ourselves and times when we feel pulled in different directions. As multi-faceted humans, we will juggle many roles, but to find joy and inner peace with who we are and walk forward confidently,
we must be and embrace them all.
The idea that we must fit into a specific role or niche to succeed is a fallacy. To succeed in any position, whether in your career, interpersonal relationships, or creative endeavors, genuine authenticity will bring you success.
To be genuinely authentic means:
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in your learning and growing process
Allowing yourself to evolve naturally
Taking the pressure off trying to appear that you have it all figured out
Stopping trying to pigeonhole yourself into a box that isn’t for you
WHY YOU DON’T NEED ANYTHING BUT YOURSELF TO BE SUCCESSFUL
While writing this, I kept asking myself: who are you to advise others about starting a blog or how to find your balance as a mom? Aren’t you a novice? But then I listened to this meditation that shifted my perspective.
The meditation discusses the concept: Be, Do, Have.
In short, the meditative guide speaks about how in Western culture, under the lens of capitalism, we are raised to think that we have to have things (material things) before we can do anything before we can be anything.
For example, I need to have a blogging course and a niche before I can begin to blog before I can be a blogger.
The meditation teaches that in Eastern philosophy, you start by being to have what your heart desires.
Instead of believing that I need skills by purchasing material items, I believe: I am me and my life experiences; I write about them and have my niche.
I have decided I don’t need to have everything figured out before I begin, and
You. Don’t. Either.
Let’s stop niching ourselves into one space and not allow ourselves to exist in others. Let’s live in the in-between and fully embrace who we are.
The following 5 Strategies are essential practices that allow me to show up authentically and feel confident to be myself.
FIND YOUR NICHE WITH THESE 5 FREE STRATEGIES
1.Free write to the following question: If I could have and do anything my heart desires, what would that be?
When I use free writing in my classroom, I set a timer and tell students that they must write a response to the prompt until the timer ends. They should not put down their pen. However, their response can be whatever comes to mind. There are no limitations. Writing allows us to access our subconscious thoughts and desires and helps us move past mental blocks. This exercise allows one to access a deeper layer of self.
Set a 10-15 minute timer, open your laptop, or find a pen and some paper and see what happens.
2. Another writing exercise: Set a timer and list all the positive things you know to be true about yourself.
Writing about oneself can be challenging for some, especially when feeling stuck or down. However, making this list and seeing all your skills and attributes on paper will allow you to stop searching for who you are or what you need to get there and instead realize your power in just showing up as yourself.
3. Start a movement practice such as yoga or walking.
When I feel anxious or unsure about myself, I walk. It sounds simple, but physical movement directly affects our state of mind.
Henry David Thoreau, an early American poet and philosopher, talks about how walking is imperative for understanding the self and is more than a physical experience when he writes:
“I am alarmed when it happens that I have walked a mile into the woods bodily, without getting there in spirit.”
4. Start a gratitude list.
When you are grateful for what you already have, anything else is merely extra.
Gratitude also eliminates striving to define yourself or become what you desire because you accept and are grateful for all you are.
5. Sit in quiet meditation.
Creating the space in your life for meditation practice is essential for understanding yourself and finding the confidence to be who you are.
I recently listened to a podcast that defined prayer as talking to God and meditation as listening. No matter your spiritual beliefs, you can continually ask to receive your desires, but sitting still and listening answers those prayers.
Although these recommendations aren’t as specific as the blog planner I purchased from Etsy, I have found them much more valuable.
When I appreciate who I am and am grateful for what I have, I no longer need to strive to fit into boxes or limit myself, and everything I create feels like a natural extension of myself.
You don’t need to find a niche.
You don’t need to make the brand.
You don’t need to become
The teacher.
The mom.
The wife.
The writer.
The blogger.
You are it.
And if you’re not showing up for those roles or existing in those spaces in ways that are true to yourself - start now.
TO EXIST IN BETWEEN, WE MUST SOFTEN: HOW TO BE YOUR TRUEST SELF
Yoga is about constantly working through resistance. When you attempt to enter a pose, your muscles might at first resist before they soften. When you first try to sit in quiet meditation, your mind will resist before it will release and relax.
The dance is to find the space or the in-between.
Being who you are in the present moment can sometimes create antagonism between the reconciliation of a past you and the evolution of a future you.
My point is: we do not have to have it all figured out before we can show up wholly.
We don’t need to have anything before we can be.
Allie: allow yourself to shift, evolve, and flow.
Reader: allow yourself to shift, evolve, and flow.
That is the space your authenticity will arise from. That is what the people want—the real shit. Give them the real shit.
More soon,
AJ
